Look, I love you, I really do, but sometimes there’s a lot of pressure to perform. I can’t just get posts up when you want me to! Yes, I know it’s been a while. Yes, you have needs, but damn it, so do I! I need to feel like all my stories aren’t formulaic. To feel like I’m not saying what’s already been said. To explore other opportunities that I think will be good for my bottom line.
I’m an artist, but I’m also a provider. At the moment I’m writing four paying pieces. I need to do them, I’ll do them damn well, but I hate that I’m not doing what I love. I hate that I’m not pleasing you.
What should I do? I feel like a loser who can’t handle the pressure. I feel like punching my computer every time I see somebody’s chirpy “just do it” advice about writer’s block. I don’t know what’s a bigger load of bullshit, “let the baby cry it out” or “there’s no such thing as writer’s block.” Fuck the originator of both tropes because there IS. I have written six drafts of “Unthinkable,” the #freakyfriday I was hoping to get to you. But everything is bland. The back story keeps changing, the characters seem like caricatures, and the sex just sucks. Not in an endearing, awkward way, either. The sex sucks in a “slot A, tab B,” way.
I think the problem is the back story. One of my issues with porn is that people are fucking just to fuck. I’ve never gotten into that. Without a good back story for these characters, there’s no reason to make that first move. Purple was an excerpt from a novel. I knew why they were messing around. Reyonna trusted Darrin, because I’d spent three chapters working on it.
Sofia and AJ will require the same amount of work. Therefore, #freakyfriday will not be a weekly feature, but an occasional one. I want nothing less than your toe curling devotion.