Bending “The Rules”


“Traditions vs Rules”

First, I want to thank Victoria at Artsy and Ambitious for inspiring this post. Her post on her dating do’s and don’ts was funny and fascinating, especially when she said that her dating style was made up of “traditions” and not “rules”.

I like that. I’m not a rules person. I let a barber give me the same fade he’d just given his son, then bought platform heels and push up bras. I’m something of an agnostic who reads my daughter Bible stories every night because Jesus is her homeboy and I respect that. I have a shelf full of writing books that I never read because I really want to get my story down my way. If I had dating rules, I’d just break them. However, I do have preferences. I’ll first-date anybody without an extensive criminal record, but I’ve discovered some traits that make a man second-date-able.

The Four T’s: How To Get The Second Date

  • Talkative: let’s take an idea and twist it around. Let’s disagree. Let’s do research. Nerdy as hell, but I love when a man looks something up on his computer or phone, just to add to our conversation. Makes me feel like he cares about my opinions and isn’t trying to rush through the date and to the bedroom.
  • Transparent: what did you do today? Where do you work? Who do you live with? Liars need not apply.
  • Tall(ish): I’m 5’9″. I need us to stand face to face. Seriously, I dated a short dude who wouldn’t let me hug him or hold his hand because we looked that odd together. And it makes impromptu kissing much easier! Real talk, I came across a beautiful man on OkCupid. Liquid eyes, six figure income (or so he said), funny profile. And I thank him for disclosing his height. I’d have been pissed if we’d actually taken the trouble to meet up.
  • Touchy-feely: Wait, um…I’m not sure I like that. I do like holding hands, kissing, all that, but I have to be the initiator at first. I truly hate when a man tries to cop a feel. How old are we? You’ve never seen a nice, thick thigh before? Dude, stop patting me. I’ll reach for your hand if I want it.

So that’s me. If you’re dating, what are you looking for? Do you have rules/traditions/a list, and how closely do you follow it? If you’re coupled up, did you have a list in your dating days? Did your partner fit the criteria, or did they entice you in a different way? As usual, thanks for reading and commenting!


5 thoughts on “Bending “The Rules”

  1. Firstly, thanks for the shout out! Much appreciated.

    Secondly, I love this “Four T’s” list!

    I pretty much agree with all four except I’m a little more flexible with the height thing. I understand how you feel though. I’m 5’7 and short men love me for some reason. I don’t date men that are shorter than me, but if he’s a nice guy and say he’s 5’8 or 5’9 I’ll give him a chance. But yeah 6’1 or taller is the ideal. By the way, have you noticed that really tall men love really short women? Doesn’t that make you furious? LOL

    My favorite of this list is “Transparency.” If I meet a man and I can’t get basic info out of him, I immediately walk away. And this has happened to me. I have actually met men who have been suspiciously vague with me about things like where they work, if they’re married, if they have kids, etc. Crazy! I met a guy last year who told me he was “sort of” married and chose not to expound any further. What the hell is that? LOL

    Love the blog Miss Shay,

    • Shannon

      Sorta married? That’s like sorta pregnant. I was legally separated for five years, and it wasn’t a big deal to me, but I realized I needed to tell people. I got a voice mail saying something about “my husband” and this dude practically peed his pants. He was expecting somebody to come storming through the door. So yeah, transparency 🙂
      As far as tall dudes and tiny women, I think it’s cute, but I always think “how do they DO IT?”

  2. Hiyas! Lemme first say, I love this post! It was simultaneously realistic and entertaining (something I’m still trying to grasp lol). You hit the mark!

    Secondly, I’m not single any more, but I did have a “list” when I was dating. I called it my top 5. I wanted a guy who was 1) not an aries 2) older than me 3) my same religion 4) taller than me 5) have a sense of humor. The guy I date, well… He’s younger than me, a diffy religion, an aries, just barely taller than me, and definitely has a sense of humor. So…1-2/5 not so bad right? lol. Love does NOT follow rules! And I’ve been with him for a lil over a year now. We work together =)

    • Shannon

      That’s great! I laughed at “not an aries” though. Is that your sign? I’ve heard people say that same sign couples don’t work well 🙂

      • LOL nah, I’m a Gemini. Aries men have always been my biggest heartbreaks: my ex-husband, my best friend (when we dated), and now I’m teetering on the current lol.

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