Wildflower day 2: past relationship


Must we? I promised I’d refrain from online shade and nothing’s more shady than the one sided explanation of why a past relationship is a past relationship. I can discuss it without insulting him, but would he think so? Doubt it.

I’ll say this, though: I am disabled. I am not a good housekeeper. I’m so disorganized, in fact, that I lost my sex drive. I’m disappointed because I thought love was enough. I’m afraid because I don’t know if I can become the “wifey” type, or if I should.

I have decided cohabitation is off the table for a long time. I don’t have the energy to be that kind of partner. I can keep a kid organized and happy. Parental privilege: donating anything you’ve tripped over twice. And my Type A sister keeps me on track with her quarterly inspections. In the closed atmosphere of this last relationship, I didn’t take her help. I wanted to be the one, to fix it myself. I didn’t want anyone to know. I forgot just how many people are on my side, because I thought I was being an adult by centering my life around my relationship. “Leave and cleave,” they say, and I tried.

This feels life a divorce. Five years of shared expenses and intertwined goals are coming apart. However, I’m looking forward to making my own plans. I’m hogging the pillows. I’m watching Dreamgirls every Saturday. I’m moving on.


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